Original Story

When a TSA screener called Rebecca Solomon over to him, he held up a plastic bag full of white powder. She was justifiably terrified for she believed she was being framed. Of course the powder was harmless and the whole thing was a prank. The identity of this idiot should be made known as all government employees ought to be publically accountable. No such luck. TSA spokeswoman Ann Davis declined to identify the worker and his job title, citing privacy laws. She also wouldn’t say whether he was fired or quit.

Original Story

In Tallahassee, FL, Samantha Burton was 25 weeks pregnant and showing signs of a potential miscarriage. Her doctor advised her to go on bed rest for as long as 15 weeks. This was not practical for Ms. Burton as she had two toddlers and a job. She planned on getting a second opinion, but before she could, the doctor informed the state government which had the Circuit Court of Leon County get involved.

By the judge’s order, she was ordered to stay bedridden at Tallahassee Memorial Hospital undergoing any and all tests recommended by her doctor. She requested a change of hospital but was denied, being told by court buffoons that “such a change is not in the child’s best interest at this time.” After three days of hospitalization, she had to undergo an emergency C-section and the fetus was found dead.

So much for the sovereignty of the human body.

Thanks Luke!

Anyone with the name of the doctor, please send it in for free merchandise.

Original Story

James Suckling of Cigar Afficionado in early January, 2010, went through a hellish experience simply trying to get back into his own country. On a trip to Mexico he received as a gift three bottles of wine which he intended to bring into the United States. The customs officer, ignorant of the fact that alcohol importation restrictions are a matter of state and irked by the fact that a citizen knew more about the law than he and even had a document from California Department of Alcohol Beverage Control proving so, proceeded to search Mr. Suckling’s car and found two Cuban cigars that he had forgotten to declare.

The lugubrious officer detained Suckling for four hours, threatening him with all sorts of charges, ordering him to destroy the wine that he lawfully had brought into the country, which incidentally splashed all over him causing the “officers” to laugh gleefully. To add insult to injury, he was “fined” (aka extorted) $60 for not declaring the terror devices known as cigars.

Meanwhile, these incompetent buffoons let illegal immigrants through daily. Clearly they are aware of their own impotence and take it out on good, law-abiding citizens who have too much to lose to truly stand up for themselves.

Original Story

• A TSA screener in New Orleans confiscated three-year-old Josh Pitney’s Play-Doh, his favorite toy, despite the fact that Play-Doh is a compound made of non-toxic ingredients with absolutely no weaponizing potential.
• Moreover, Play-Doh is not on the TSA’s list of prohibited items.

D.A.G. Says: More idiocy from one of the government’s most inept bureaus. I recall as a youth while traveling that my little sister had stolen from her a keychain in the shape of a SuperSoaker because it bore resemblance to a gun. The imbecile who confiscated her toy likely took a job with the TSA when it was formed.

Original Story

Journalist Christopher Elliott, just one of many people who posted the full text of the TSA’s boneheaded security directive, has been subpoenaed by the aforementioned government bureaucracy for posting the truth. Here is the full text of his subpoena:

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Department of Homeland Security
Transportation Security Administration

SUBPOENA DUCES TECUM

YOU ARE HEREBY COMMANDED BY THE ADMINISTRATOR, TRANSPORTATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION, UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY, to produce and permit inspection and copying of the records described below to Special Agent Robert Flaherty, TSA Office of Inspection, Transportation Security Admininistration, 580 T G Lee Blvd, Suite 610, Orlando, Florida 32822 (Phone #: 407-563-4096), email: Robert.M.flaherty@dhs.gov, no later than COB December 31, 2009, in furtherance of an official investigation:

All documents, emails, and/or faxsimile transmissions (sic) in your control possession or control concerning your receipt of TSA Security Directive 1544-09-06 dated December 25, 2009.

IN TESTIMONY WHEREOF, the undersigned, an officer designated by the Transportation Security Administration, has hereunto set his hand in the county of Arlington, Virginia, this 29th day of December, 2009.

Dan Kuntz
Senior Counsel – Civil Enforcement
Transportation Security Administration
U.S. Department of Homeland Security

AUTHORITY

This subpoena is issued under the authority contained in 49 U.S.C. §§ 40113 and 46104; and 49 C.F.R § 1503.3.

Any person who neglects or refuses to produce records in obedience to this subpoena is subject to fines under Title 18, United States Code, imprisonment for not more than one year, or both, 49 U.S.C § 46313.

D.A.G. Says: This is where your tax dollars are going.

You fail at life.

America’s most pathetic of bureaucracies, the Transportation Security Administration, has issued a new, draconian set of intolerable acts in order to make air travel even more miserable. Take a look at these straight from the horse’s ass… er, mouth.

Boarding

• Perform thorough pat-down of all passengers at boarding gate prior to boarding, concentrating on upper legs and torso.
• Physically inspect 100 percent of all passenger accessible property at the boarding gate prior to boarding, with focus on syringes being transported along with powders and/or liquids.
• Ensure the liquids, aerosols, and gels restrictions are strictly adhered to in accordance with SD 1544-06-02E.

During Flight

• Passengers must remain in seats beginning 1 hour prior to arrival at destination.
• Passenger access to carry-on baggage is prohibited beginning 1 hour prior to arrival at destination.
• Disable aircraft-integrated passenger communications systems and services (phone, internet access services, live television programming, global positioning systems) prior to boarding and during all phases of flight.
• While over U.S. airspace, flight crew may not make any announcement to passengers concerning flight path or position over cities or landmarks.
• Passengers may not have any blankets, pillows, or personal belongings on the lap beginning 1 hour prior to arrival at destination.

D.A.G. Says: The real goal of the terrorists isn’t to blow up planes. It’s to make life hell for us. And guess what, they’re succeeding.

Original Story

• In Commack, NY, Sara Morton-Greiner, just 10 years old, brought a vial of store-bought peppermint oil to school. The substance is, in the Commack School District’s own words, “an unregulated over-the-counter drug”.
• Despite this fact, and the fact that peppermint oil is a harmless substance, young Sara was suspended for bringing it in.
• Commack Superintendent James Feltman says there’s “no question” Sara’s actions “violated the district’s code of conduct” when she took the oil to school Monday.

D.A.G. Says: And we say there’s no question Feltman is an idiot.

Thanks Mary Lou!

Original Story

• Berkeley High School is considering a proposal to entirely eliminate science labs and the five science teachers who teach them to free up more resources to help struggling black and Hispanic students.
• The proposal to cut out the science program was approved by Berkeley High’s School Governance Council, a body of teachers, parents, and students whose purpose is to artificially alter the school’s racial disparities.
• The decision to eliminate the labs and teachers was nearly unanimous.
• School district spokesman Mark Coplan directed inquiries about the redesign to Richard Ng, the principal’s assistant at Berkeley High and member of the School Governance Council. Ng did not return repeated calls for comment.

D.A.G. Says: And this is why America’s education system is so far behind the rest of the developed world. This is the epitome of brain-dead politically correct bureaucracy. God help us.

Jeffione Thomas after being beaten by "truancy officers"

Original Story

• Jeffione Thomas, an 18-year-old junior at Frankford High School in Philadelphia, had overslept and was running late for class. He had just stepped off a bus when he was accosted by “truancy officers”.
• As he casually walked toward the school, the officers approached him and order him to get into a “truancy van”. Thomas declined stating that he was on his way to class and was already late. This answer displeased the officers who followed him into the school, charged at him at full speed, and tackled him violently.
• As a result of the savage beating the thugs administered, Thomas ended up in the hospital with a black eye, broken blood vessels in his left eye, cuts to his lips and several loosened teeth.
• If this violent buffoonery were not enough, somehow Thomas, the victim, has been charged with assault.

D.A.G. Says: With any luck, the thugs who did this will be thrown in prison with the others they have persecuted. They’ll learn what justice is quickly.

Thanks Mary Lou!

Original Story

• The Transportation Security Administration has accidentally posted online its top-secret airport screening procedures manual including special rules for diplomats, CIA agents, and law enforcement officers.
• The 93 page document was redacted, but in such a way that it was easily hacked.
• The document gives examples of CIA, Congressional, and law enforcement credentials that would allow terrorists to duplicate them.
• According to the document, only 20% of checked bags are to be hand searched for explosives and go into great detail on the limitations of x-ray screening machines.

D.A.G. Says: This is the TSA we’re talking about here. Monumental failures like this are just part of the mission.