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Tulare, CA. August 6, 2009 - Daniela Earnest was doing what good, enterprising 7-year-olds do: running a lemonade stand to save up money for a trip to Disneyland. Unfortunately, while in better times this would have been perfectly un-newsworthy, the "progressive" and "modern" government of Tulare sent its Blue Goons to shut her operation down. The reason? She didn't have a permit or the proper "improved location".

D.A.G. Says: Government buffoonery and hyperregulation like this are why children sit at home playing video games all day. What child in their right mind would bother venturing out into the dreary surveillance state that is modern America when there is a world of adventure and fun on their TV set?

Newark Airport. August 14, 2009 - Famous Bollywood actor Shah Rukh Khan was detained at immigration and customs and questioned for hours for having a Muslim-sounding name.

Medina, WA has set up cameras that can automatically scan license plates and compare them to a database of plates of interest.

GM is lobbying hard to keep government money from going to Aptera - who makes a three-wheeled electric car - so they can keep it all to themselves. This isn't the first time they held back an electric car. Remember the EV1?

Rhode Island's Division of Taxation has forced Dr. Doolittle’s Pets & More to close for being behind on taxes. The business fell behind on taxes when it had to use that money to simply stay afloat.

D.A.G. Says: Closing down means no revenue. Having no revenue is the antithesis of being able to pay taxes. We don't follow the logic. Oh wait, this is the government. There is no logic.

On the recommendation of Superintendent Maria Goodloe-Johnson, Seattle Public Schools could change a decades-old policy and allow students with D averages to graduate from high school.

When asked if he thought D students should graduate, one student said "Yeah, because they can still get a job and stuff.” We're not making this up.

D.A.G. Says: Printing diplomas makes people smarter the way printing money makes people richer.

The FCC is deepening its investigation of CBS for not delaying playback during Super Bowl 38 and publicly airing Janet Jackson's pierced milk spigots. Meanwhile, we have a budget deficit.

Thanks Shawn!

Hotaru Ferschke, widow of Michael Ferschke who was killed in Iraq, and her baby who was fathered by Michael can't stay in America because their military wedding is not valid because they didn't have sex. The trouble is that they obviously did, as evidenced by the baby which came out of her vagina.

D.A.G. Says: This is bureaucratic buffoonery at its finest.

Barack Obama is refocusing United States missile defense on Iran, and away from Russia. Russia recently voted Josef Stalin the third most popular Russian.

Thanks Luke!

According to this article, George W. Bush contacted Jacques Chirac prior to invading Iraq telling him that when he looked at the Middle East, he saw "Gog and Magog at work".

What is Gog and Magog? Read this excerpt from Ezekiel:

And the word of the LORD came unto me, saying,
Son of man, set thy face against Gog, the land of Magog, the chief prince of Meshech and Tubal, and prophesy against him,
And say, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, I am against thee, O Gog, the chief prince of Meshech and Tubal:
And I will turn thee back, and put hooks into thy jaws, and I will bring thee forth, and all thine army, horses and horsemen, all of them clothed with all sorts of armour, even a great company with bucklers and shields, all of them handling swords:
Persia, Ethiopia, and Libya with them; all of them with shield and helmet:
Gomer, and all his bands; the house of Togarmah of the north quarters, and all his bands: and many people with thee.

D.A.G. Says: *Backs away slowly...*