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Unbelievably stupid, corrupt, and downright evil jury acquits perpetrator in feces attack!

One of the biggest Achilles heels in America's legal system is the astonishing possibility that a jury will be staffed by slobbering morons, so incredibly stupid that it's a wonder they can even wipe themselves (if they do at all). Nowhere is this more apparent in the case of 70-year-old sociopath Ronald W. Ellis, who viciously attacked neighbor Cheri Monson by luring her out of her apartment then dousing her with a bucket of urine, feces, and vomit so vile the police were made ill when interviewing her. This was certainly not the first incident. Ellis had a history of harrassing Monson and even an assault conviction in 1998

If we had a competent government, Ellis would have been sent to the gallows already. Instead, however, the aforementioned jury of imbeciles acquitted this excuse for a human being.

Additionally there are unconfirmed reports that this may be a racial issue - this is to say, the perpetrator was black and so too was the jury and thus racial "solidarity" may have played a part in sabotaging a slam-dunk case. We re-iterate we do not have confirmation of this.

Cynthia Stroum, bigtime Obama donor, got Luxembourg posting. That was a mistake.

Obama donor Cynthia Stroum got the plum posting of ambassador to Luxembourg and ended up being an unholy terror. We called it back in 2009, folks.

7-year-old charged with a misdemeanor for a Nerf gun.

A 7-year-old child allegedly shot a $5 Nerf-style toy gun in his Hammonton, N.J., school Jan. 18. No one was hurt, but the kid now faces misdemeanor criminal charges. Hammonton Police began an investigation into the “suspicious activity” at the Hammonton Early Childhood Education Center Jan. 18 after school officials alerted them to the incident.

Officials also say that there was no evidence of anyone being threatened. The child's mother told school officials that she didn't know her son brought the toy to school.

Washington State welfare cards used for strip clubs, tattoos, and bars. Your tax dollars at work.

WA state Senator Mike Carrell of Lakewood is sponsoring a bill to prevent the use of Washington's welfare cash cards from being used

Carrell says an investigation by Seattle TV station KING found that Washington's welfare cash cards are being used at strip clubs, sex shops, tattoo parlors, gun shops and taverns.

The station earlier found that about $2 million in welfare cash was withdrawn in one year at casinos. The Department of Social and Health Services asked casinos to block the use of the cards at their ATMs. Gambling with welfare cash is illegal.

D.A.G. Says: Why the hell didn't they simply design the cards to not work but for food and other necessities? Why rely on retailers.

Stefanie Woods, the Cookie Monster, will get no prison for kidnapping and armed robbery.

18-year-old Stefanie Woods became famous in 2008 when she helped a friend steal $168 from an adorable 9-year-old Girl Scout selling cookies outside a grocery store. This in and of itself is a despicable act however Woods compounded it soon after when she was interviewed by a local news crew and bragged about her crime justifying it by saying "Who doesn't like money?".

Later that year, she made the news again when she and her same friend (probably her only one) got busted for skipping out on a tab at Denny's. Clearly she was proving herself to be an asset to society.

Not satisfied with being a mere miscreant, she teamed up in 2009 with two men to kidnap and rob a man at gunpoint of his prescription drugs. A creature like this should be locked up for life, of course, but was she? Of course not!

Politically correct Circuit Judge Amy Smith sentenced the 20-year-old to a year in jail - which she has already served - and ordered her into a Department of Corrections drug treatment bed. This despite the fact that her crimes legally merit a life sentence! No prison time will be served.

DAG says: The autocratic idiot judge had this to say: "A lot of people won't be happy about this," Smith said. "But I think it's the right thing to do, and it's my decision."

So much for democracy.

Man shot by police for holding a water nozzle

Two Long Beach police officers responded to a 911 call from a neighbor reporting an intoxicated man holding a "six shooter" that looked like an antique gun in the 5300 block of East Ocean Avenue. The 35-year-old man was holding a water spigot, not a gun, it turns out.

TSA force disabled boy to remove his leg braces to pass through security.

As part of their new campaign to protect America from the looming threat of disabled children, the Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) forced a four-year-old boy to remove his leg braces which he needs to walk.

Young Ryan Thomas, with his father, Bob, and mother, Leona, were on their way to Walt Disney World for the boy's fourth birthday. Born 16 weeks prematurely, Ryan's ankles are malformed and his legs have low muscle tone. He had only been walking since the previous March. The custom-fitted, hardened plastic leg braces set off the security system.

The screener, clearly not the brighest of lightbulbs, ordered the parents to take the boy's leg braces off. The dumbfounded parents responded that Ryan could not walk without them on his own. Still not getting it, the screener repeated "He'll need to take them off".

Ryan’s mother offered to walk him through the detector after they removed the braces, but the TSA goon refused even this reasonable request. Fortunately the boy managed to walk through without falling demonstrating that at four years of age, he is ten times the man these TSA morons will ever be.

Meanwhile, mindless terrorist maniacs can sneak explosives onto planes in their pants.

Hikers arrested for mooning a train.

Some hikers on Mount Washington maintain the very odd tradition of mooning the passing cog train that climbs the mountain. The tradition's origins are unclear, being attributed to a protest against the polluting train or simply because the train was called the "Railway to the Moon". In any case, this bizarre but harmless practice is apparently grounds for bungling government buffoonery. Following a complaint from whiny crybabies aboard the train, an off-duty state trooper and a ranger dressed in hiking clothes started riding the train. When they spotted some mooners, they stopped the train, produced their badges, and confronted the hikers, issuing them summons to either pay a fine or appear in federal court in Concord.

Michigan goes after woman for Christian roommate posting

The Fair Housing Center of West Michigan has filed a complaint against a 31-year-old woman in Grand Rapids. According to the complaint the ad "expresses an illegal preference for a Christian roommate, thus excluding people of other faiths." Says Executive Director Nancy Haynes, "It's a violation to make, print or publish a discriminatory statement. There are no exemptions to that."

You read that right! In Michigan, you are not allowed to choose what kind of roommate you'd like to have. You have to take what life gives you or the government will shove it down your throat. This law does not only apply to landlords but simply renters who would have to potentially deal with this roommate on a daily basis.

The case was turned over to the Michigan Department of Civil Rights. If the woman is found guilty of having a preference, she could face several hundreds of dollars in fines and “fair housing training so it doesn’t happen again.”

Despite growing opposition, the pig-headed organization intends to pursue this case. Says Haynes, "We want to make sure it doesn't happen again," she said. If there is a God, he's out taking a whiz right now.

Corrupt cop who terrorized Starbucks and got his job back parks his cruiser in a handicapped spot.

Lieutenant Major Garvin (his name is really Major) caused a stir when he harassed employees at a Starbucks, threatening poor police response times if they didn't give him free coffee. He was fired but the idiotic arbiter George Mayer called for his reinstatement and full back pay. It doesn't take a genius to see that this flagrant folly could not have a good ending.

Now Garvin has gotten in trouble for parking his cruiser, while off-duty we might add, in a handicapped spot. Garvin's flimsy excuse is that he was running late to referee an AAU basketball tournament and got the OK from security to park in the handicapped spot. Of course, a rent-a-cop's approval does not equal a license to break the law.